Becoming a MOTHER…..How It Totally Changed Me

Good morning everyone πŸ™‚

Happy Sunday and Happy Mother’s Day to all you mamas out there. I hope you are being spoilt with breakfast in bed and everyone let’s you rest all day long or at least for a few hours πŸ˜‰ I know this year isn’t like before or the rest but we will get there. I know it’s hard not being with your family and it’s upsetting but we can celebrate once this is all over. Thinking of all the amazing mamas, step mamas, mamas to be and nanas out there today. I thought this blog post would be very fitting especially on a day like today. I had been meaning to write this blog post for a while and well quite frankly I hadn’t got the time with working full-time as well as having Lily, being pregnant, trying to have a life and doing this online so you’ll definitely see a lot more blog posts between now and when the baby arrives.

I want to rewind it back to 2017 when I first found out I was pregnant. It was an amazing moment but definitely extremely worrying for me at the same time. I was so happy, yet so beyond shocked too but I was obviously very grateful to be able to have a baby. It was never about having the baby, more about how will I care for another human? I was terrified. I was so nervous all throughout the pregnancy and the closer it got to the end, the more and more worried I became. I was so anxious at the end, I’d worked myself up so bad. I actually needed a few therapy sessions and hypnobirthing classes at the end because I was that scared.

Fast forward 6 months and how that had all changed. I felt like I was able to do anything as a mum. I knew the drill, I knew what I was doing, I had my shit under control and well I felt good (although still an emotional wreck), I knew I HAD THIS! I had never ever felt a bond like it. I’d never loved someone or something as much as I loved Lily. She made me want to wake up everyday. She made me smile and gave me a reason to love the little moments every day. I absolutely loved being at home with her on my maternity leave. It was the two of us mostly as Daddy worked but then it was the three of us and that was so nice too.

In those months off work, I felt a huge connection to her and then when it came to going back to work I didn’t want to leave her. I loved my job but I loved Lily more. Part of me wanted to go back but so much more of me wanted to stay at home. Obviously this wasn’t financially viable for us as we have a mortgage so I had to go back. When I did go back to work, within the first 8 weeks, I knew my priority was no longer my job. My priority was Lily. My world changed a lot when I went back to work and if you’re a long time follower you’ll know of my really hard struggles to adjust to working again while having Lily. I used to love going on trips and going away all the time but then when it came to working away while having Lily, I just found it very difficult. Being stuck on an aircraft, on a 10hr flight to LA not being able to contact home and thinking about if anything went go wrong while I’m gone? It was very hard for me to adjust. I had a few smart arses say ‘ohhh if you’re that unhappy leave and go work in a bank’ but REALITY WAS as much as the worry was constantly there, the shift work suited me. I had more days off with Lily doing this job. Some mothers drop their children at 7 in the morning and pick them up at 7 at night (absolutely nothing wrong with that my mother did it with us) but I might spend 48hrs away from Lily but get THREE FULL DAYS off with her after it. There’s 100’s of women in my job that have been making it work for many many years so I know it can be done.

Last August which was about 3 months after I returned to work, myself and Sean sat down and talked about the next few years. We talked about our plans as a family and life in general. The way everything was happening we decided we would try for baby number two and well……BOOM it happened πŸ™‚ We felt so so blessed and just over the moon that it happened again for us. I always know how lucky and grateful I am for this. I really wanted a sibling for Lily, two was always the plan although after having Lily initially I probably would have said never again given my 4 day induction at the end πŸ˜‰ But I wanted to give Lily a brother or sister. Now 6 months in, I’m so excited for Lily. I see how she reacts with other children and how excited she gets and this just makes me even more happy now.

I’m not going to pretend I’m not nervous because I am…HOWEVER I am looking forward to it too. I always say it, I loved children growing up but I wasn’t hugely maternal. I didn’t look at babies like my friends did but now it’s totally different for me. I absolutely adore being a mother. It’s hands down the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It made me realise what true true love is, don’t worry I LOVE you too Sean but it did. Lily makes my day every single day. She’s changed me in so many ways. She’s given me strength I thought I never had, she’s given me patience and overall made me a better person. I can slow down now, I can switch off now, I can take a moment now, I can be more present now whereas before becoming a mother I was constantly at 250mph and never stopped. I appreciate little things more. I love just waking up to her talking to herself in her room chatting away and how she runs up to you & gives you a big hug…just because.

This pregnancy has been a bit different anyway but mentally I’m way more prepared. I know what lies ahead, I know I can do this and I know that I will be the best mum I can to my little boy. I’m looking forward to spending time with Lily just us before he comes along. Here we are a few weeks ago at my Mammy meetup with fellow mamas Danielle and Steph (we were all pregnant at the same time) and Eimear who also has two children. I’m very aware that the baby will take up a lot of time when he arrives and I don’t want her to feel left out. I suppose that’s where you mums of two can help me and guide me in some way. I’ll be definitely asking questions and guidance from you guys too. One thing I’ll say before I head is that when my friends used to say to me ‘ohh Aoibhe you’ll never know love until you have a baby’, I used to be like YEAAAAAH only because I was like COME ON girls. And well……they were right. I grew her, we made her, she’s part me and part Sean. She’s my little girl and I’m so proud to be her mama. They were right. It’s a bond like no other. I can see why people want to go on and have more and more children but two is perfect for me and we’re content with our ‘gentleman’s family’ as you all said. Family of 4 is just right. I’m lucky and blessed enough so we will be happy with this.

I hope that you all have a wonderful Mother’s Day despite everything. We’re dropping dinner down to my mum with her little gifts and I’m so sad but it has to be done. I’ll blow kisses to her from the car with Lily.

I’m thinking of you all at this very strange and weird time. My heart is with your all and your families. Stay safe and keep that social distance.

I did an interview recently on PARENTHOOD with VIP Magazine if you want to have a read you can READ IT HERE.

Love Aoibhe xxx

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